you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
