a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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