Your face is a jimmy john
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
