Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
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Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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