whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
