Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
