so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
