please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
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I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
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Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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