So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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