Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
