He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
