my phone needs a breathalizer
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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