wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
