I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
