I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
