Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
