His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
