i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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