If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
