Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
