Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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