We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
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You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
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You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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