3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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