We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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