A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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