I can feel you judging me through the phone.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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