My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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