I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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