can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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