The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
