so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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