pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
