i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
