i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
