the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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