Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
