No, you can still breathe under the balls.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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