i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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