I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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