we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
