Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize