Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
