You smell like stripper and shame
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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