I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
