Are we in a gay sports bar?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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