You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
