I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
