I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
