can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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