using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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