Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
