Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today