omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
it glows. i had to have it.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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