Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
