We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
