Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
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So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
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In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.