I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often