If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..