forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
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Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
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I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The adults are the big ones right?
Never underestimate the power of titties
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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