On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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