we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
