Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
