where am i from again
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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