Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
