there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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