if you like me you must not know who I am
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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