What did we do last night that was yellow?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
