4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
