I understand Curling. That high.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
