you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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