I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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