Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
