You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
