Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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