How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize